Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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