It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
