and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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