Buhtt sex?
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
