You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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