dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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