I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
