How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Randomize
