Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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