Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Can I color on your dick again?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
