Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
