I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
