you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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