He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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