how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
