Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
my liver is dry heaving
Randomize
