After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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