I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
