The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
you never un-have a 4some
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
