3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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