someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize