Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
