so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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