Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Randomize
