he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Randomize
