I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
