Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Randomize
