Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
