so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
