Got a toothbrush?
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
