doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
