the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
