sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I am available for nakedness
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
