Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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