you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize