that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
