he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
