we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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