So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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