Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
