mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Panties = found
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
