If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
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