Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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