My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize
