the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
