Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
