i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize