Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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