where does the pee come out of this thing
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
