What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
