Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
We need to rekindle our bromance
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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