I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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