I could have mohawked her pubes.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
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