my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
