You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
