The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
