I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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