your parents love me but you hate me
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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