**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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