Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
