Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Well I just put wine in my tea
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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