another moral hangover. fuck.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
