shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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