at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize