someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
