So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
