her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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