my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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