So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
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