I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
