My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
