I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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