A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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